Blubber guts

Given the oceans of green and gold tears that have flowed poolside in London, it’s no wonder that Liesel the 30-tonne whale washed up in Newport, Sydney, recently. A flood of saline spread from the London 2012 Crying Games and launched this behemoth onto the rocks in a personal best effort. While Newport locals became misty eyed at the site of Liesel occupying all eight lanes in their coastal sea pool, it’s a crying shame she didn't at least win gold before bloating big time on the beach.

“GOLD, GOLD for Australia” were immortal words spoken by ABC sports broadcaster Norman May, a man viewed by some to be the voice of the Olympic Games. But as we approach the finishing post in London 2012, this precious metal is looking noticeably scarce in the Australian camp. And aren’t we being told it! If you want pots of gold change channels as you’d have better luck backing Gina Rinehart in her quest to claim Fairfax than putting your house on the Boxing Kangaroo.

A sneaky silver or a brave bronze carries just as much weight as claiming gold, and winning no medal at all is just as priceless. Competing in the Games is worth every piece of silver earned by Australia but don't tell that to the swimming squad and media from Down Under. Believe the tsunami of water-borne babble and you’d think Aussies in the pool were sure certainties to claim gold. So it’s no surprise that it’s all ended in tears. London 2012 marks the first time Australia has not won an individual gold medal in the pool since the 1976 Olympics. So what. Pull the plug on the pool, send the Channel Nine commentary team into the Thames and turn your attention to the track where there is no time for naval gazing, even if a six-pack surrounds it.

James Magnussen CAN’T and didn’t bring home the bacon for CommBank and the Stephanie Rice ‘brand’ turned generic, but no sooner had the swimmers toweled off than Channel 9 siphoned expectation from the pool and poured it onto the rowing course, the velodrome, the show jumping arena and the athletics’ track, in buckets.

The jingoistic commercial coverage headed by the breakfast TV Ken doll and his Barbies is sick making in its banality, deft of any decent information and devoid of the rest of the world. Apart from credible cameos by runner Rob de Castella, Goulburn Valley Tompkins at the rowing and a horsey Brit at Greenwich providing insight into sports they’ve conquered, the other fill-in commentators state the obvious and feed peanuts to the lowest common denominator. The boffins at Nine should be providing a ‘global’ perspective to the games. Stop following a reality TV-type agenda where cheap swill is served and scoffed down. Hold that post-race pose and allow us to savour brilliance of every nation’s victory before throwing to a ubiquitous commercial. Do that Nine will receive a perfect 10 – a Nadia Comaneci moment unlikely to be repeated.

Perhaps a bolt of lightening is what Nine needs. The electric Jamaican Usain Bolt covered 100 metres in a flash and in doing so removed the blowtorch from Australia’s so called disastrous’ medal tally, if only for 9.63 seconds. So to Steve Solomon, Sally Pearson and Steve Hooker, may you run, hurdle and vault your way to victory. But just make sure you win “GOLD, GOLD for Australia” …or else!