Perfect Storm

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As clouds gather this week and the heavens prepare to unleash bucket loads of rain, the sporting gods have united to produce a confluence of events unseen at any other time during 2013. It is a Perfect Storm, the genesis of which can be traced to Canberra, where the Astro Boy of global politics Kevin Rudd has created a whirlwind to suck-up every Labor stalwart into the stratosphere before the party’s solstice in September.

Such an extreme weather event shares the same pattern as the fast-moving front moving north from New South Wales. On Wednesday night, two high-pressure systems – one blue and one maroon – will butt heads in Brisbane. Emergency powers will swing into action as Campbell Newman invokes a State of Chaos. The biff is back and there’ll be gallons of blood on the pitch as Slater, Smith and Cronk unleash some Melbourne Storm-inspired footy and level the three-match series.

In northern climes, flash flooding and strong winds are predicted at Wimbledon. Claps of thunderous thighs are expected on centre court as Cyclone Serena returns serve at Sharapova’s high-pitched hectopascals. Tornado Tomic is hovering somewhere near London but is expected to weaken into a tropical low and vanish within a week. Little Lleyton will hang around like a cold, dank and dark day but will be Australia’s only slither of sunshine, bettered perhaps by three weeks of strawberries, pymms and lemonade.

I’m all for taking the Mickey Arthur out of the Australian cricket squad but there’s no way of halting the firestorm soon to engulf the entire team at Trentbridge. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, in Michael Clarke all we must trust. He’s taking the heat on a number of fronts: a dodgy lower back, Warner’s impetuous indiscretions, vice captaincy woes and his recently relinquished job as selector have added fuel to the fire. But perhaps there is a saviour who should share the same dressing room as our skipper. With ball and a pristine Aussie passport in hand, a new sheik of tweek could dowse the flames by toppling England’s batsmen. Leg-spinner Fawad Ahmed is the new face of Australia. Stop the boats? Silly idea. If they can swim and spin, let ‘em in Tony.

The June weather cycle is a frenzy in France. At sea level and on mountain tops oxygen and moisture is critical to the survival of competitors in Le Tour de France. A lycra-clad fog of velo enthusiasts will cover close to 3500kms dominated by bottom clenching, ball twisting, thigh-burning pain. Look to the Sky and you’re sure to see Froome riding a yellow rainbow, with Contador and our Cadel snapping at his cleats.

No matter the result on any scoreboard you follow in this stormy month of June, bunker down and enjoy all the theatre, for the sun will still rise in the morning … rain, hail or shine.

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